2010 is here

I've been doing a really stupid thing lately... I've been thinking. I've been doing an awful lot of thinking lately, and I haven't been writing down my thoughts. I haven't been asking my own writing process to help me work things out. And I'm not going to attempt to do that right now. Here, is just a good place to start. How about an update of where I've been these last two months?

Since the last time I wrote a post, I left the family that was hosting me an hour outside the city. Saying that things did not end on good terms would be an understatement. They did not take the news that I had found another position well, even though it should not have come as a shock to them after knowing I was very unhappy. I was not allowed my privacy, autonomy, or respect, and the only regret I have for leaving will be not to see the troublesome trio again.



I got an offer from a woman who lives in the 2e in Paris, which is the smallest neighborhood in Paris, in a very central location, and houses the Bourse (stock exchange building). For about a month I lived with the family and cared for two twin girls who are almost two years old. But from an offer that seemed too good to be true, came disappointment once again. I found myself in another home that was unequipped to allow me time and space. At least respected this time, I was able to leave on better terms, the family understanding that I am not in France to work 80-hour-weeks.

Of course, I had to ask myself if the problem was all mine. Am I expecting too much? Am I just being a brat? But the number of other Au pairs who found "happy" families... have dwindled. Broken promises, devil children, physical threats. I'm sorry, but this is just an unnatural situation to force upon someone hoping to expand her world. A woman is told to give up her country, her family, her friends, and so much more in order to care for a false family, mind, body and soul. And if I am going to be in Paris, I refuse to be wasting my time working all day--I could do that in the States for a lot more money.



At this point in my life, I'm trying to grow. I'm trying to learn French. I'm taking my first international baby step. Granted, I now have many stories to tell, but they read more like a comic routine than an adventure. I am very capable of helping people--I read very well what it is that others need. But I'd rather be helping in Haiti than working for people who I know I'll be leaving in a short year. If I were seeing Paris and reading and writing and learning, I'd be saying very different things. But after all this, I'm ruling out the Au pair life, no third strike necessary.



And so I have learned something, and I guess I've grown. I found someone looking for a flatmate right outside of Paris. I found a regular babysitting job where I don't have to sleep overnight or call home if I'll be late for dinner. Yes, I'm a little worried about making rent each month, but I have tons of time to find clients for giving English lessons. I have a bed of my own and no curfew. I can sleep when I choose, host family from the States, get updates from friends around the world, and feel less obliged to miraculously read the minds of my housemates.



I hope to stay here for another year from now. The location is great, and so is my new flatmate. Things are a bit scattered at the moment, but once I get a routine, I can tell that time will start to move very quickly. I have to keep reminding myself that if I want to be a person capable of helping others, patience is key. I need to be able to take care of myself, represent myself, and learn from my mistakes. I should be able to learn French in this year. I need to get things on paper. Set goals and accomplish them. I have to keep reminding myself this--that I'm here for good reasons, even though there are wonderful things going on with friends and family back home that I am sorry to miss.