deux semaines

i guess it's been two weeks since i last posted anything. i think the initial shock and awe of being in france, and even the part where paris is breath-taking, has worn off. i find myself frustrated beyond reason at the tourists, even though i haven't even covered all the touristy places yet. i'm finding myself enjoying the process of learning french and not feeling as overwhelmed as before. and the kids are slowly, slowly, very slowly accepting the circumstances--and dare i say, growing and learning. however, i'm starting to recognize that ten months is no time at all, and i've let a fifth of that time go by without thinking very smartly about the next 8 months or about the future beyond that.

i came into this knowing how i want to grow. it's not my work ethic, it's not my finances, it's not my heart that i want to expand. i want to learn the language, face my fears, and explore new experiences. i know how to impress employers and improve relationships and impersonate the status-quo. i can solve problems and read people and actively press the system. i'm good with kids and good at providing what other people need, especially emotionally, but now i need to keep remarking on revelations that will move me forward. i don't want the same thing in a different country. i don't want attachments. i want...

something... "similar à feux d'artifice s'épanouit à travers les étoiles." i don't want delicate negotiations. i want bold and mighty forces and fearless exploration. i want moments with others as serene as the view alone. i want wild things and dreams and romance that has little to do with love and love that has everything to do with romance. i want really fulfilling fluff for one year...